Are you getting me a iPhone from abroad?

Nishanth S Coontoor

Tuesday, December 12, 2000. 9.45 am.

Maths Period. Imagine set against a backdrop of a Fish Market.

“Roll Number 24?”

“Present Miss!”

Random Background Talks: Kannada Homework, bindi sabzi, Kyunki Saas…

Roll Number 25?”

“Yes Miss!”

More Random Talks: Contra game, Boom Boom Boomer, Fish (?)

“Roll Number 26?”

“Roll Number 26!”

“Roll…Nishanth! NISHANTH CONTOUR!”

“QUIET! IS THIS A FISH MARKET?”

The class fell silent. Now imagine the backdrop suddenly changing from the fish market to the setting of the depressing Principal’s chambers.

“Eh, yes, yes Miss,” I responded, waking up, pretending to have never fallen asleep and hiding a stubborn yawn.

“WERE YOU SLEEPING IN MY CLASS?” asked Rekha Miss.

“My aunt has come from out of station. She has come from Amaereeka.”

“SO?”

“So, I had gone to pick her up from the airport at 2 am.” There goes the yawn.

“Did you submit your homework?” she asked, her Reynolds red dot pen now pointing right toward the pile of books arranged on the table.

“I haven’t. I was waiting for my aunt to bring me pencils from Amaereeka.”

Pencils. Those yellow pencils from America were a status symbol that showed my small world of A, B, C and D Sections of Class 6 go-ers that I too had an aunt who was abroad. And each year she visited Bangalore, she brought me stationary that included these distinct yellow pencils.

These did not last long. The pencil leads broke often. They did not write dark enough. But nevertheless, while they lasted, they replaced the local brand of robust Nataraj Black and Red striped pencils.

Carrying the heavy school bag on my back with a tiffin basket in one hand and the yellow pencil in the other, I proudly walked to school each day with my head held high.

“He thinks he is better than us because of that light shade yellow pencil,” I imagine my jealous friends murmured under their breath. I so wanted to respond with a “Yeah!”

Fast forward to 2012. I got a chance to travel back to India and be the mama (uncle) who lived abroad. I was looking forward to disrupting my parent’s sleep schedule and made sure to schedule a flight that landed at 2 am. I also purchased 3 boxes of yellow pencils to take with me.

2 days before my trip, I did a Google hangout with my friends.

“Let’s meet up the day you land, okay?” said one.

“Yes! How about 7 pm? I have purchased a special gift for each of you!” I responded, flashing a smile. I looked toward the pencils. I did not want to give the away the surprise.

“We knew it! Did you buy me a iPod? I heard you have an iPhone?”

“I want Bose headphones-see if you can get one.”

“Do you get good quality power banks? Your iPhone doesn’t need a power bank, but my phone does.”

Wait. What. Wait. What are they saying? They don’t want my yellow pencils? :O

“Electronics are cheap in America, I heard. My cousin brother’s friend’s uncle bought his sister a mobile phone.”

I was then a broke grad student living with 3 roommates. We did not even have a dust bin at home. The pencils were from the money I would have otherwise paid toward the internet bill. The iPhone was financed.

I remember purchasing the headphones in Best Buy and returning them 1 hour later only to buy them again an hour later. I’m sure Best Buy has me on some customer watch list.

That New Years was spent grocery shopping in Walmart to offset the expense.

I had gotten fairly ahead in life by the year 2013. I now had a full-time job and only one roommate. Still no dustbin though. That’s a story for another time.

Two weeks after accepting the role, I planned a trip to India. My parents were excited. Someone had made my dad realize his son was earning in Dollars in the USA = he is loaded. Expectations were running high.

“No, no, this flight is better. I will land in Bangalore at 1.30 am. I’m not landing at an odd time again. You can all wait at the coffee shop outside arrivals,” I explained over skype. “Let me show you my new apartment.”

I stood up with my Mac.

“What do you want me to bring from USA?”

“There’s one room, there’s another. Sanjeev uses that room.”

“Tell me what to buy, I will finish shopping today.”

“And that’s the kitchen and the hall.”

“Son, when are you buying a bed frame?”

“Oh I don’t need one – the mattress is comfortable for now.”

“You don’t even have a dustbin?”

“Ha ha..the reason is…”

“And where is the TV in the hall?”

For some reason, not owning a TV was concerning to my parents. A TV provided basic entertainment and luxury. And if their son did not own a TV = he needed help.

“Let me buy you a TV. I know rents can be expensive where you live,” said the concerned and slightly disappointed dad.

I was about to explain how I watch shows online on Netflix, Youtube and other channels, but then I realized this was an opportunity to extract money from him. Why let it go.

“You are right dad. Rent is too high. This was the only apartment available in this short time. And you know I just bought a new car. The insurance is almost the same cost as the monthly payments. Plus, the interest. I thought I will get an interest free loan, but it’s still under review. I just started the new job so it will take me some time to resolve all this.”

“Don’t send money to the USA though. You can deposit it in my India bank account for now. 1 USD = Rs 55. So, deposit more money.”

Is he really falling for this one?

“Alright. And listen, don’t buy me anything. Here, I think your mother wants some items from the Dollar store. Talk to her.”

I took with me kitchen rolls, 1 dollar slippers, night lamps, show pieces, elastic bands, mugs, sandwich bags and more. Most economical India shopping ever!

This went on for a few months until SBI asked for its student loan money back. Dad’s money stopped pouring in when I wrote that first check. This was still the easiest 2000 bucks I made. Thanks, dad.

Glossary:

Kannada: an Indian language

Bindi sabzi: a dish made of Okra

Kyunki Saas..: An Indian TV series by the name Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

Boomer: a chewing gum brand

Best Buy: an electronics store in USA.

SBI: State Bank of India